I am so glad I'm auditing.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you—but here it is, my first blog about photography class. I just finished week one. Assignment: create a self portrait with a prop that illustrates something about me. Now how hard can that be?


I go buy a tripod (short pause here while I take a brief, unplanned detour with a monopod. I will wait patiently while some explains to me the purpose of a one-legged camera stand.) I pile up a bunch of books, stick a pen behind my ear, and shazam, I’m ready. Set the timer, snap away. Change backgrounds, snap away. Move around the house, snap some more.

Three battery charges later I am so frustrated I could scream…wait…I did. Why is this so complicated?! It’s a self portrait, for Pete’s sake! I’m not looking to win a Pulitzer for it, just get a decent picture by midnight so my first assignment won’t be late. The problem I’m having is that none of the pictures I take are of me. They’re of some old woman I’ve never met. She has crow’s feet. Her forehead looks like the back yard of a train station. And what’s up with that neck? Ok, who invited her! WHY IS THIS OLD WOMAN HORNING HER WAY INTO ALL MY SHOTS???

Lesson one: You can lie to yourself all you want, but your camera will always be honest with you. Brutally, barefacedly honest.