Thursday, December 3, 2009

Operation Jetman

Jet has made minor progress this past year that we've owned him. He doesn't chew anything unless he's bored, can play fetch without being insulted by someone lobbing his toys across the kitchen, and has resisted the temptation to pounce on the Christmas tree, albeit...his resolve on the latter might be weakening. It's so tempting...just standing there. And he hasn't jumped on it yet...

Anyways, The Jetman will be trained if it kills me. Here is my checklist of Good Dog Behavior:

  1. No more jumping. When he walks in. Before he walks out. To show that he's bored. To show that he enjoyed his walk in the hills. To show that Balloon Boy was never in the balloon at all. This jumping ends.
  2. No more snapping. He steals treats out of your hands. This must end.
  3. No more pulling on his leash. This, frankly, is more of his problem than mine. I'm not the one in danger of choking from pulling, but he'll stop pulling whether he likes it or not.*
  4. No more aggression. This is most important. Jetman must not try to eat people. 'Tis vital that he not call out the neighborhood watch. He must learn to be comfortable around the peeps and their various pooches. No removal of body parts, no more lunging, and no more trying to drag us to meet his conquests.**
  5. Parlor tricks. Nothing fancy. Sit. Lay Down. Come. Stay. Maybe shake hands.
  6. Like Cats. Only a distant dream. *Sigh.*
  7. Be Neutered. Do not ask about neutering's affect on behavior on Yahoo Answers. I repeat: do not. You will get idiots who say that if he's bad get him a lobotomy. I do not joke. Not ever.

These tricks are but specks on the horizon...but we shall meet them. Hmph.

*I believe that he only pulls upon finding a tempting squirrel, human, or other living thing on planet Earth. Otherwise, he's pretty good. But, alas, he cannot avoid life indefinitely on a walk through the hills or down the street.

**Word on the street is that this is known by its proper name of "socializing." Neat. O.

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