Saturday, August 1, 2009

Stealing Your Thunder...

...postmodern English style.

So today my mater made an entry into her public journal about fire alarms and their flaws and the fact that Kailee sleeps and I cart large bags around with me when it is not...really...necessary. She was pleased with her discipline, so just five minutes after she made the update I am stealing her thunder and making another one. It won't happen again. I'm feeling alive. I've got passion. I survived the blender with all five fingers on my right hand (or, well, most of one of the fingers)- don't no one rain on my parade.

This font looks very funny, very fishy...maybe it's just the pre-update font. But it looks bigger than the fonts of previous entries.

Any hoodle, I have made a list of acceptable terms to prevent the onslaught of this beastie known as postmodern English. Postmodern English is a collection of cyber, technological terms that ruin a once perfect pantheon of words such as "cat" or "mat" or "hat." There will be no more love for such beloved words once crap like "cyberspace" or "iPod" or "microchip" take over and turn language into a robot's instruction booklet.
Say this instead to safeguard real words:

Box Which Entertains (Perhaps Too Much)

Compact Disk is fine

Streaming Media
Awaiting the Arrival of Life Captured on Machines

Radio's alright...


Sad Excuse for a Word/Public Journal*

Sadder Excuse for a Word/Public, Mechanically Captured Sentiments


Together, we can overcome postmodernism. And, to walk my write, I have taken the liberty and all that jazz (because I need to pump up the cliched sayings in this entry; I feel that I am, even now, lacking), and copied this dictionary into my good, old-fashioned handwritten journal. Success is not easy, but postmodern English is a real threat to Shakespeare, language, and the good of humanity. Be a hero. Save the words.

*read the beginning of this entry for an example of this new term in action and glory


1 comment:

  1. But Ms. Vannah--what language will they use in graduate school? You will render them speechless...hegemonic centers of post-colonial discourse that they are. As G. Lukacs wrote, you may bring on "the reification of the consciousness of the proletariat."

    Do you REALLY want to be responsible for that?